I am participating in an awesome charity event this weekend! watch me and my husband and my friends play games from now until 8 am tomorrow with no breaks! If you like what you see, donate to extra life (link on the stream page), a charity that benefits children's hospitals. The money goes straight to the birmingham children's hospital and neither we or extra life gets a cut.
The stream is live right now!!!!
http://twitch.tv/meeplethon
watch us and tell your friends!!!!
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Monday, April 22, 2013
Crumbling mountains and filling in craters in three short days or "why I love play on con the way I do"
"Nerd" "Geek" "Wierdo"
It was never these words that hurt me when I was growing up. Even when I was younger, I took a certain pride in being the goody two shoes who enjoyed and excelled at school. What hurt were the whispers; the overheard conversations where voices were intentionally raised in my direction saying things like "some of us need to lose weight, don't we?"; the implications that because I was friends with new girl who was awkward, intellectual and more interested in science class than she was the newest keith sweat album, that I was somehow less than; the laughter at my utter inability to understand and deal with someone who does not want to be your friend but doesn't tell you screw off because they enjoy manipulating you and making fun of you; and even, being pushed down, poked, or otherwise physically hurt.
This was my life growing up. And for those of you saying "kids can be so cruel", one of the many examples above there was suffered at the hands of another child's parent, and those are only a sampling of what I had to deal with when I was younger. My mother and my family were always supportive, always told me I was smart and good and pretty. But first of all, mom doesn't follow you around all day, not to mention, my mom was the non-confrontational kind so she sat quietly by waiting for karmic consequences to unveil themselves (they often did); she certainly never encouraged me to tell those who would have me believe that I was "bad" because I wasn't as popular, well dressed or ruthless as they where exactly where they could put those harmful words and exactly what they could do with themselves. And Second of all, you start to figure out at a young age, that what mothers and fathers and aunts and uncles do is tell the children in their family how smart and awesome and amazing they are... My mother did it and so did the mothers of all those people who thought it was okay to mercilessly ridicule an adolescent child...
So I grew up knowing that the smart, unusual, passionate-about-life person I wanted to be was "wrong" by most people's standards and that this meant that I would be ridiculed, un-popular and unwanted by most. I grew up thinking I was ugly, and that every tiny little "peculiarity" about me" was a mountain with a giant neon light on it making me a person unfit for regular society... And things really didn't improve much around high school or college.
I did, around high school, start learning how to identify those who shared a similar love for reading, and who weren't just taking the most basic math classes they needed to get a diploma and who thought that being friends with a geeky dancer with odd, diverse interests was kind of cool. So I knew deep down, that somewhere there were people who would love me for me but that it wouldn't be an easy life to be a nerd and be friends with nerds. I got an even better taste of this toward the end of college when I started hanging out with the man who would eventually become my husband--he and his friends sat down to board games on a regular basis and invited me in. This was a hobby for people who like thinking, who like puzzling things out, who like creatively solving problems because it's fun, not because they'll get an F if they don't or because they'll lose their job if they don't. However, I still knew, deep down that this was my hobby, not the hobby of someone who was "normal" or "pretty" or someone who was ever going to "fit in."
Flash forward about 8 years to where me and my husband met a group here in Birmingham that plays games regularly. Every week, 8-20 nerds like myself would sit down in a coffee shop and enjoy learning and solving problems for fun in the context of being a wizard or an art buyer or a great military general or a farmer. I was thrilled, but I still felt like an outsider if I wasn't in this group of people. I was afraid to admit to those I worked with and interacted with on a regular basis that I enjoyed board games and computer games and reading books and watching comic based movies. I still saw every "difference" that I had as a mountain or a crater or an irredeemable problem.
Flash forward about 6 more months: my husband and I see a flyer for a convention called Play on Con that promised to have board games, video games, costumes and all other manner of geeky pursuits. My husband is a long time convention goer, and I, of course, welcomed the idea of going to a place where I could play board games and video games and learn about embroidery if I so chose.
So we show up at the designated place and designated time and pay our money. We walk around a little bit and immediately get absorbed in video games and checking everything out--so much so that we almost forgot to eat dinner that night. It was great, there were a couple hundred people packed into a hotel because they loved the same "nerdy" things we did. When I showed up to the con, I expected to play games and get absorbed in geek culture for a weekend. What I didn't expect started when we came back from dinner.
My husband and I went in to the charity casino and were playing blackjack. First, I met a girl and her husband who were just as in to board games and geek culture as we were, and they were local. We scored some more friends and allies here within a few hours of getting to the convention. While at that blackjack table, I started to notice something more amazing. People walked in with costumes, they talked loudly about their geeky pursuits, uncaring of who would hear, and they flaunted who they were like it was a badge of honor, not some horrible secret that should be tucked away. They played games and drank and had fun and were themselves without the slightest concern that someone would ridicule them. It was then that I figured out that no one here would be phased in the slightest by anything that I was as long as I wasn't there to hurt them. It was then that I was able to relax and truly be myself for an entire weekend.
If you have never been in a place where it is 100% okay to be 100% who you are, it is hard to understand what that feels like. I have been comfortable and happy in my life before, but, never before that day, did I feel that everything I was was okay and that no one could take that away from me. Remember, how I said I grew up knowing I was unacceptable? gone. Remember how I said I saw all my imperfections as mountains? they crumbled. Remember how I said I thought I was ugly? I saw a pretty girl in the mirror for three days straight for the first time. I didn't see a perfect girl or a socially acceptable girl; I saw a beautiful girl who was beautiful despite, or, perhaps, because of all those little things like extra weight and hair that was too long and eyes that aren't perfectly symmetrical. I was truly comfortable in my own skin for the first time at Play-on-Con.
I literally cried after the con because I knew that going back to the real world would mean that I would start seeing myself as broken and outcast and ugly again. I knew that my skin would belong to someone else again. But I was wrong. Increasingly, I learned to be comfortable with who I was, even if everyone else tried to convince me it wasn't "right." Increasingly, I saw a beautiful, worthwhile, intricate, amazing creature in myself. More and more I knew that it was not I who was the problem, it was those who would have me believe that uniqueness and intricacies and intellect are not okay.
Play on con didn't give me an identity but it allowed me to be okay with my identity and to learn that those who don't accept it are only worth so much effort and time. Because of play on con, I know that who I am is okay and that it is okay to be that person. This is why, if you ever meet me, and I sense that you might be similarly minded, the second or third sentence out of my mouth will always be about play on con. I love books and video games and costumes as much as the next geek, but play on con isn't really about those things for me. Me talking about the convention with you is is me saying that I want you to have the same experience I did with being able to accept who you are as amazing (and, you know, being able to play games, make costumes or otherwise be geeky until you can't stand up really is kind of fun).
It was never these words that hurt me when I was growing up. Even when I was younger, I took a certain pride in being the goody two shoes who enjoyed and excelled at school. What hurt were the whispers; the overheard conversations where voices were intentionally raised in my direction saying things like "some of us need to lose weight, don't we?"; the implications that because I was friends with new girl who was awkward, intellectual and more interested in science class than she was the newest keith sweat album, that I was somehow less than; the laughter at my utter inability to understand and deal with someone who does not want to be your friend but doesn't tell you screw off because they enjoy manipulating you and making fun of you; and even, being pushed down, poked, or otherwise physically hurt.
This was my life growing up. And for those of you saying "kids can be so cruel", one of the many examples above there was suffered at the hands of another child's parent, and those are only a sampling of what I had to deal with when I was younger. My mother and my family were always supportive, always told me I was smart and good and pretty. But first of all, mom doesn't follow you around all day, not to mention, my mom was the non-confrontational kind so she sat quietly by waiting for karmic consequences to unveil themselves (they often did); she certainly never encouraged me to tell those who would have me believe that I was "bad" because I wasn't as popular, well dressed or ruthless as they where exactly where they could put those harmful words and exactly what they could do with themselves. And Second of all, you start to figure out at a young age, that what mothers and fathers and aunts and uncles do is tell the children in their family how smart and awesome and amazing they are... My mother did it and so did the mothers of all those people who thought it was okay to mercilessly ridicule an adolescent child...
So I grew up knowing that the smart, unusual, passionate-about-life person I wanted to be was "wrong" by most people's standards and that this meant that I would be ridiculed, un-popular and unwanted by most. I grew up thinking I was ugly, and that every tiny little "peculiarity" about me" was a mountain with a giant neon light on it making me a person unfit for regular society... And things really didn't improve much around high school or college.
I did, around high school, start learning how to identify those who shared a similar love for reading, and who weren't just taking the most basic math classes they needed to get a diploma and who thought that being friends with a geeky dancer with odd, diverse interests was kind of cool. So I knew deep down, that somewhere there were people who would love me for me but that it wouldn't be an easy life to be a nerd and be friends with nerds. I got an even better taste of this toward the end of college when I started hanging out with the man who would eventually become my husband--he and his friends sat down to board games on a regular basis and invited me in. This was a hobby for people who like thinking, who like puzzling things out, who like creatively solving problems because it's fun, not because they'll get an F if they don't or because they'll lose their job if they don't. However, I still knew, deep down that this was my hobby, not the hobby of someone who was "normal" or "pretty" or someone who was ever going to "fit in."
Flash forward about 8 years to where me and my husband met a group here in Birmingham that plays games regularly. Every week, 8-20 nerds like myself would sit down in a coffee shop and enjoy learning and solving problems for fun in the context of being a wizard or an art buyer or a great military general or a farmer. I was thrilled, but I still felt like an outsider if I wasn't in this group of people. I was afraid to admit to those I worked with and interacted with on a regular basis that I enjoyed board games and computer games and reading books and watching comic based movies. I still saw every "difference" that I had as a mountain or a crater or an irredeemable problem.
Flash forward about 6 more months: my husband and I see a flyer for a convention called Play on Con that promised to have board games, video games, costumes and all other manner of geeky pursuits. My husband is a long time convention goer, and I, of course, welcomed the idea of going to a place where I could play board games and video games and learn about embroidery if I so chose.
So we show up at the designated place and designated time and pay our money. We walk around a little bit and immediately get absorbed in video games and checking everything out--so much so that we almost forgot to eat dinner that night. It was great, there were a couple hundred people packed into a hotel because they loved the same "nerdy" things we did. When I showed up to the con, I expected to play games and get absorbed in geek culture for a weekend. What I didn't expect started when we came back from dinner.
My husband and I went in to the charity casino and were playing blackjack. First, I met a girl and her husband who were just as in to board games and geek culture as we were, and they were local. We scored some more friends and allies here within a few hours of getting to the convention. While at that blackjack table, I started to notice something more amazing. People walked in with costumes, they talked loudly about their geeky pursuits, uncaring of who would hear, and they flaunted who they were like it was a badge of honor, not some horrible secret that should be tucked away. They played games and drank and had fun and were themselves without the slightest concern that someone would ridicule them. It was then that I figured out that no one here would be phased in the slightest by anything that I was as long as I wasn't there to hurt them. It was then that I was able to relax and truly be myself for an entire weekend.
If you have never been in a place where it is 100% okay to be 100% who you are, it is hard to understand what that feels like. I have been comfortable and happy in my life before, but, never before that day, did I feel that everything I was was okay and that no one could take that away from me. Remember, how I said I grew up knowing I was unacceptable? gone. Remember how I said I saw all my imperfections as mountains? they crumbled. Remember how I said I thought I was ugly? I saw a pretty girl in the mirror for three days straight for the first time. I didn't see a perfect girl or a socially acceptable girl; I saw a beautiful girl who was beautiful despite, or, perhaps, because of all those little things like extra weight and hair that was too long and eyes that aren't perfectly symmetrical. I was truly comfortable in my own skin for the first time at Play-on-Con.
I literally cried after the con because I knew that going back to the real world would mean that I would start seeing myself as broken and outcast and ugly again. I knew that my skin would belong to someone else again. But I was wrong. Increasingly, I learned to be comfortable with who I was, even if everyone else tried to convince me it wasn't "right." Increasingly, I saw a beautiful, worthwhile, intricate, amazing creature in myself. More and more I knew that it was not I who was the problem, it was those who would have me believe that uniqueness and intricacies and intellect are not okay.
Play on con didn't give me an identity but it allowed me to be okay with my identity and to learn that those who don't accept it are only worth so much effort and time. Because of play on con, I know that who I am is okay and that it is okay to be that person. This is why, if you ever meet me, and I sense that you might be similarly minded, the second or third sentence out of my mouth will always be about play on con. I love books and video games and costumes as much as the next geek, but play on con isn't really about those things for me. Me talking about the convention with you is is me saying that I want you to have the same experience I did with being able to accept who you are as amazing (and, you know, being able to play games, make costumes or otherwise be geeky until you can't stand up really is kind of fun).
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Updates for the last month or so
Busy Busy Busy.
Getting the kids I teach dance to ready for their big performance in may; getting ready for play on con, the convention i go to every year. In fact, they are fundraising to try to get more money for awesome things like a shuttle bus and great guests and more and better stuff for the con! I did make a piece for Arty Party but I doubt ill be able to go that year as that is the weekend of the dance show AND the pre-event for play on con.
We have viewing parties for game of thrones every week and the last couple weeks we have been having gaming beforehand. it's been fun and a welcome distratcion from all the craziness and stress going on right now. See you guys soon with a meatier update.
Getting the kids I teach dance to ready for their big performance in may; getting ready for play on con, the convention i go to every year. In fact, they are fundraising to try to get more money for awesome things like a shuttle bus and great guests and more and better stuff for the con! I did make a piece for Arty Party but I doubt ill be able to go that year as that is the weekend of the dance show AND the pre-event for play on con.
We have viewing parties for game of thrones every week and the last couple weeks we have been having gaming beforehand. it's been fun and a welcome distratcion from all the craziness and stress going on right now. See you guys soon with a meatier update.
Monday, March 25, 2013
updates for like 2 years or something
-I am still a nanny. I still teach dance. I am still struggling a little bit with finances but really don't think the heartache of a regular job is worth the paltry amount of money it would get me.
-I have lost a fair amount of weight and am selling lots of my clothing! There's everything from cute hats to t-shirts to very nice evening gowns for very reasonable prices!!! Check out the album here
-Unfortunately I don't have much time to go to weekly board gaming groups anymore but I continue to go to board gaming conventions regularly. MY new favorite board games are uluru, timeline and trajan.
-I have taken up costuming/cosplay and "making". So far the most awesome costume I have made is Yvaine from stardust but Lust from fullmetal alchemist may be my favorite because it was easy to make, is easy to get on and is reasonably comfortable. All "making" that I have done so far is costume related... I made y'vaines wig light up.
-I have started selling my dice jewelry at anime and fandom conventions. It is fun but can be financially unpredictable.
-Other notable events: Seeing man man and godspeed you black emperor live at bottletree, one of the best places to see a good show in birmingham--and the cafe food is so good there that I almost never eat dinner before the doors open when I go to concerts there.
That's all for now. Someday I will update with more!
-I have lost a fair amount of weight and am selling lots of my clothing! There's everything from cute hats to t-shirts to very nice evening gowns for very reasonable prices!!! Check out the album here
-Unfortunately I don't have much time to go to weekly board gaming groups anymore but I continue to go to board gaming conventions regularly. MY new favorite board games are uluru, timeline and trajan.
-I have taken up costuming/cosplay and "making". So far the most awesome costume I have made is Yvaine from stardust but Lust from fullmetal alchemist may be my favorite because it was easy to make, is easy to get on and is reasonably comfortable. All "making" that I have done so far is costume related... I made y'vaines wig light up.
-I have started selling my dice jewelry at anime and fandom conventions. It is fun but can be financially unpredictable.
-Other notable events: Seeing man man and godspeed you black emperor live at bottletree, one of the best places to see a good show in birmingham--and the cafe food is so good there that I almost never eat dinner before the doors open when I go to concerts there.
That's all for now. Someday I will update with more!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
events from JULY 22 to now
Wow.
-I still nanny. I now teach a dance class on Fridays for some middle school aged beginners. I still apply for normal jobs now and again, but not as often as I used to. If i could just get the slightest boost in income, I'd be happy. I really like being a nanny and really like the part where I don't cry over job stress on a regular basis.
-I have been to three gaming conventions: Play on Con in July, Game Fest South in August and Birmingham Game Days this month. They were all awesome. Play on con involved lots of public silliness including running a game of The great Dalmuti involving goofy hats, off key singing while dancing inappropriately during a rock band tournament and an awesome costume. Game Fest south involved tons of new games, eating cake at City Cafe Diner and discovering the hot chocolatier, an excellent hot chocolate and dessert shop. Birmingham games days involved participating in an ascension tournament, running Dalmuti again, and playing a lot of old favorite games.
-Other notable events: Going to the pumpkin patch with my friend, Melodie, Going to see Pretty Lights with Zaque, going to see Man or Astroman with Christian, live karaoke by Rock U Birmingham at the nick (dive bar) with friends, and Countless hours spent with Christian playing ping pong, Gears of War 3, and Dungeon Defenders.
-Up next: Jewelry show for all my "brands" at my house, thanksgiving, ummm... yeah i don't know but i know it will be busy :)
-I made a scythe.
-I still nanny. I now teach a dance class on Fridays for some middle school aged beginners. I still apply for normal jobs now and again, but not as often as I used to. If i could just get the slightest boost in income, I'd be happy. I really like being a nanny and really like the part where I don't cry over job stress on a regular basis.
-I have been to three gaming conventions: Play on Con in July, Game Fest South in August and Birmingham Game Days this month. They were all awesome. Play on con involved lots of public silliness including running a game of The great Dalmuti involving goofy hats, off key singing while dancing inappropriately during a rock band tournament and an awesome costume. Game Fest south involved tons of new games, eating cake at City Cafe Diner and discovering the hot chocolatier, an excellent hot chocolate and dessert shop. Birmingham games days involved participating in an ascension tournament, running Dalmuti again, and playing a lot of old favorite games.
-Other notable events: Going to the pumpkin patch with my friend, Melodie, Going to see Pretty Lights with Zaque, going to see Man or Astroman with Christian, live karaoke by Rock U Birmingham at the nick (dive bar) with friends, and Countless hours spent with Christian playing ping pong, Gears of War 3, and Dungeon Defenders.
-Up next: Jewelry show for all my "brands" at my house, thanksgiving, ummm... yeah i don't know but i know it will be busy :)
-I made a scythe.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Update
Ummm from April to now, what significant has happened?
umm...
I still nanny for two awesome kids. I am still applying for more "career" oriented jobs, just to keep my options open, but if nothing comes along, I wouldn't be heartbroken. I LOVE nanny-ing, my stress is much lower, my back pain is often better (go figure), and apparently, I'm actually good because the parents love me and even recommended me to someone else.
I now attend a Zumba class at a nearby studio. It's not the same as the dance classes I'm used to, but it's lots of fun, great exercise, very close to the house, inexpensive and the teacher is a 5'4" ball of party energy. I miss the more traditional/technical dance classes I'm used to, but seriously the instructor rocks, and plus that, I have a friend who I wouldn't normally see very often that comes with me most of the time.
I have laid low on the local craft/vendor fairs since the beginning of June because my body just can't handle the heat.
Yesterday, I got my hair done by my good friend Zaque. A couple months ago he started the appointment with "I want to cut your hair really short..." to which I said "It's a good time for it. Alabama summers suck." and we ended up with almost a pixie in the back with some length still in the front. This time, we didn't change much, just cleaned it up a little. Here's the end result:
It's piece-y, messy, asymmetrical, and uber-cute. I totally love it.
And no, your eyes are not malfunctioning, I am wearing makeup in this picture. I still don't wear it often, but, I found an awesome tutorial on pin-up makeup that I was able to tone down for regular wear. Sadly, it's no longer online so I can't link you to it, but if I ever come across something similar I will...
Anyways, where I was going with that is that I was looking at the pin-up makeup tutorial because the dress I had for Arty Party was very retro. Yes, I attended arty party even though I don't work at BAO anymore. Arty Party was and still is one of my favorite events of the year, and the money goes for a great cause. So, I went, and had a blast, and the best part was, I didn't have to help check out guests or load stuff into a truck afterward. Maybe next year I can be helpful and volunteer-y and stuff, but this year, I just wanted to go and enjoy myself (and I totally did).
So um, that's my rambling, chronologically jumbled update for the last couple of months. see you back, umm whenever I feel like wasting time blogging instead of doing housework ;)
umm...
I still nanny for two awesome kids. I am still applying for more "career" oriented jobs, just to keep my options open, but if nothing comes along, I wouldn't be heartbroken. I LOVE nanny-ing, my stress is much lower, my back pain is often better (go figure), and apparently, I'm actually good because the parents love me and even recommended me to someone else.
I now attend a Zumba class at a nearby studio. It's not the same as the dance classes I'm used to, but it's lots of fun, great exercise, very close to the house, inexpensive and the teacher is a 5'4" ball of party energy. I miss the more traditional/technical dance classes I'm used to, but seriously the instructor rocks, and plus that, I have a friend who I wouldn't normally see very often that comes with me most of the time.
I have laid low on the local craft/vendor fairs since the beginning of June because my body just can't handle the heat.
Yesterday, I got my hair done by my good friend Zaque. A couple months ago he started the appointment with "I want to cut your hair really short..." to which I said "It's a good time for it. Alabama summers suck." and we ended up with almost a pixie in the back with some length still in the front. This time, we didn't change much, just cleaned it up a little. Here's the end result:
It's piece-y, messy, asymmetrical, and uber-cute. I totally love it.And no, your eyes are not malfunctioning, I am wearing makeup in this picture. I still don't wear it often, but, I found an awesome tutorial on pin-up makeup that I was able to tone down for regular wear. Sadly, it's no longer online so I can't link you to it, but if I ever come across something similar I will...
Anyways, where I was going with that is that I was looking at the pin-up makeup tutorial because the dress I had for Arty Party was very retro. Yes, I attended arty party even though I don't work at BAO anymore. Arty Party was and still is one of my favorite events of the year, and the money goes for a great cause. So, I went, and had a blast, and the best part was, I didn't have to help check out guests or load stuff into a truck afterward. Maybe next year I can be helpful and volunteer-y and stuff, but this year, I just wanted to go and enjoy myself (and I totally did).
So um, that's my rambling, chronologically jumbled update for the last couple of months. see you back, umm whenever I feel like wasting time blogging instead of doing housework ;)
Friday, April 8, 2011
one, two, skip a few, 99, APRIL 2011
yeah, so the updates haven't been weekly, or monthly or at-all-ly. oops!
Life has been busy. Some dya I may ge back and recap, but right now, I'm frickin busy.
Here are the important things you need to know:
-For lots of complicated and personal reasons that I prefer not to get into on the blog, I am no longer at Birmingham AIDS Outreach, however, I still wholeheartedly support what they do and would encourage anyone who has or would like to volunteer or donate money to absolutely keep doing so.
-I still play board games on a regular basis and have even started writing for my husband's gaming blog, Meepletown.
-I still create, jewelry, paint and otherwise pursue creative endeavors (haven't gotten back to dancing/pilates/etc. yet.
-I recently got a part time job nannying for a family that lives close by who has two adorable, well behaved very young preschoolers.
-On the weekends, I have been trying to do more craft shows and such.
Speaking of, this weekend I will be at Art on the Side, a new local art show that will be taking place from 8-4 on the second weekend of every month.
Life has been busy. Some dya I may ge back and recap, but right now, I'm frickin busy.
Here are the important things you need to know:
-For lots of complicated and personal reasons that I prefer not to get into on the blog, I am no longer at Birmingham AIDS Outreach, however, I still wholeheartedly support what they do and would encourage anyone who has or would like to volunteer or donate money to absolutely keep doing so.
-I still play board games on a regular basis and have even started writing for my husband's gaming blog, Meepletown.
-I still create, jewelry, paint and otherwise pursue creative endeavors (haven't gotten back to dancing/pilates/etc. yet.
-I recently got a part time job nannying for a family that lives close by who has two adorable, well behaved very young preschoolers.
-On the weekends, I have been trying to do more craft shows and such.
Speaking of, this weekend I will be at Art on the Side, a new local art show that will be taking place from 8-4 on the second weekend of every month.
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